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Depressed but Motivated

I know Its been a little while since Ive posted stuff but I can tell you that Im been having so many emotional ups and downs its ridiculous.
There are so many things that I wish that I can post about my feelings but im not as  LJ savvy to limit my posts to close friends. I guess Ill have to ask delphinios  how to help me with this.

For one, I need to completely Revamp my whole LJ experience because as much *little* time I have to read all my friends posts, I know Its impossible for me to do it all and compose and go about my daily business.

I sooo wish that I could because Ive always wanted to be there for my friends in need. Im just not that eloquent of a writer to always express how im feeling when It comes to wanting to explain to people or sympathize with friend about how I understand how they are feeling.

But I will say that my current "situation" that im in, while im extremely grateful, is very frustrating and stifling and I cant be the woman im supposed to because of so many external factors. Ive grown so much in the past 2 years since my Breakup with long term relationship(7.5 years) with summervixen and I am still saddened and think about him occasionally. I often saddned to know that even after our breakup and during it, I tried to talk to him about still maintaining some kind of friendship even after our tribulations.  I even tried to wish him a happy birthday (His birthday and mine are in the same month) by txting him, LJ post, Yahoo IM and I didnt get any responses.
I fear that hes totally closed the door and despite our differences and troubles in our relationship, that Ive lost a dear and long time friend that meant more to me than he ever realized  :(

I didnt mean most of this LJ to be about me still wondering and worrying about him, but It looks like it has. Anyway despite being depressed in what seems to be borderline clinical with my mood swings and moodiness, I still maintain my inexhaustible amount of creative energy and writing. Im currenty working on an epic musical composition that Im going to drop on Youtube that I predict will be VIRAL when It comes to the Star Trek fans.. but thats all Ill say for now.

One of my good girl friends, Tawni, from Ohio, despite us being apart from each other have amassed and written over 50 songs between the 2 of us and we are about to launch an incredible musical endeavor soon. Our goal, to take back that "feeling" in music that I see so much on YOUTUBE when people look at old school songs from the 70-80's and constantly complain that music today sucks.
Our stuff will be taking that back that feeling and in addition, reaching out to the younger people as well.

Pray for me,
Lord knows I need it right now.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 5th, 2010 01:26 pm (UTC)
*hugs tight and comforts*
Nov. 17th, 2010 01:31 am (UTC)
Thank you hun *whimpers and hugs tight*
Nov. 5th, 2010 03:12 pm (UTC)
One's interest and or ability to keep tabs on LJ can come and go like the seasons. I've been on it 6 years, and I used to always keep tabs on it, on up till the last year or so. Then there was that last few months back in Summer, where I really let things get behind, though I was kind of busy in a good way so it wasn't that bad, and I think people understood.

Well, you're within your right to be upset about that situation. And not much you can do if hes' bound to cut you off like that. Though it might be what's needed for awhile. Friendships sometimes need a hiatus, and thus pick-up where they left off at a later date. And then, perhaps rekindle things, repair old wounds and become better than ever. Just gotta move on with your life though, and you are doing that. You have friends who care about you too, so know we're here for you as well^^.

Sounds awesome the music collabs you're doing. Hope that shines and touches as many as it can. Be well and know you're thought of.
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 17th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
Its always great to hear from you hun. Ill try my best to try to get back in the swing of things once I get a new PC(old one exploded) and stuff.
Please keep in touch though sweetheart *huggles tight*
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 5th, 2010 05:35 pm (UTC)
I may not be a girl (yet) but I'm still yer friend hun.

Its hard to go on with life still thinking of someone you've had an immensely long relationship with. It's a tough road.

Keep yer chin up kitty and know you still have friends out there whom love and care bout ya. You may have lost a true and good dear friend but there are still others who worry bout ya.

I don't think Summer hates ya, so in due time maybe life will get better and maybe she'll talk with you again someday.

Nov. 16th, 2010 10:38 pm (UTC)
*yet*? Hmmmms

Thank you for those kind words blazger *hugs tight*
Nov. 6th, 2010 05:19 am (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear about your emotional ups and downs - just remember that if it gets pathological, there's no shame in getting some helpful pharmaceuticals on a temporary basis. Many of us have been there.

I'm excited to hear your musical projects, please be sure and let me know when they're posted. I'm sure they're genius!

Hit me up online anytime you need to talk.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )